Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Why Even Try?

I feel like I've done a lot of posting NOT about being healthy :) So today I'll try to get back on track.

I've been struggeling a lot lately, and I think I've figured out why. Last summer I did what I thought I could never do, I ran a half marathon. Yeah my time was nothing to write home about (2:47), but I ran the entire way. I freaking ran 13.1 miles!!! Me???


During that time I was really REALLY trying to lose weight. Not only for the lifelong reasons of losing weight, but also because I knew it would help my running. Who was dying to run in a tank top but didn't want to scare the world away...this girl! I digress, sorry. During that time, I really tried to keep my calories between 1200-1400/day and obviously was killing it in my workouts, usually running 5x's a week. Now, I didn't have a watch (which I'm dying to get the Forerunner *drool*), but I KNOW I was in a negative with calories in/out, which should result in a weight loss. But alas, nothing. To add insult to injury I gained weight in the beginning. I had the usual "It's just muscle" bit thrown at me, but what girl on earth wants to gain weight while doing cardio??

I really wanted 2010 to be a year of accomplishment, to finally be at a healthy weight and to finish a half marathon. I even scheduled "official" runs along with my training, like a 10k and a 10mile run, so I could say I did those too. There's something about getting the bib that makes it a little more official :)

So here I am. The holidays are over and sure I've gained something. Last I checked it was 3lbs, yes 5, 10, freaking 3 lbs! I know it sounds bad, but I would rather have gained something to show that what I did mattered (ok I totally take that back, I don't want to gain a bunch of weight, lol) But seriously, I'm just at such an impass. Why go to the gym, which let's be honest is torture. Why eat 1200-1500 calories/day, which let's be honest is starvation, when it only matters 3lbs worth?

Why even try?

Because it's good for me.
Because what I did last summer was a result of hard work
Because I will not turn out lazy
Because what I do matters, if not now then in the long run

So what now? I'll go to the gym tonight and I will get my workout in. I will start counting calories again (just in case I have to show it to a doctor, lol)

I WILL TRY!

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